- Why The blindfold? - It's part of the game.
- Don't you want to play? - Of course.
No.
I feel so excited.
Get on your knees.
Touch me.
You looked amazing in court today.
Hello?
Anonymous.
You stay away from my man.
With your sleazy letters and your flashy perfume.
You' re nothing to him.
He's mine.
Okay? Bitch!
Once more and I'll fucking kill you!
My friend says thank you.
Come in.
Sam's having an affair.
Sam is?
Are you sure?
She made it perfectly clear.
I don't know what to say, I mean...
How could he do that? How could he...?
I'm gonna call him right now.
No, please, Archie, don't say anything.
I just need to deal with this in my own way.
- Maybe it's my fault. - Don't say that.
Don't say that, it's not your fault.
What am I gonna do?
I don't want to lose my marriage.
Look, I know this...
sometimes men, they can...
they can separate sex and, and love. They can.
That's comforting.
He does love you.
Yesterday I would have believed that.
He obviously doesn't find me attractive any more.
I mean, God, when I think about it...
I mean where has he really been all those times?
nights in chambers, dinners with clients.
I feel so...
What right has he got?
What's she got that I haven't?
Well?
Don't be silly. Alice, don't be silly.
You...
are gorgeous.
Really, really gorgeous.
Then why doesn't he want me?
Because he's stupid.
Oh God.
Sorry.
She was all...
tall and sexy and exotic.
Russian or something.
- God. Don't you just hate that? - And a bit painty.
- Painty? - I don't know.
Maybe she was a decorator or something.
You know the worst thing?
There was Sam... on his knees in front of me, and there was this...
I can't describe it.
Intense desire.
He used to feel that way about me.
It's not there any more, unless he thinks I'm someone else.
Look...
maybe you should think about getting out.
I hate to say this, but if he's having an affair, men like that don't change.
And I kissed Archie.
What?
- Tongues? - Flic, It was everything
Tongues, lips, hands.
What have I done?
I mean, Archie's the last person in the world I'd want to hurt.
Doesn't sound very painful to me. Sounds rather scrumptious.
That was the point.
It was so...
Anyway...
it wasn't me that kissed him.
It was Anonymous.
Right.
Morning, Sam.
All right, Archie?
Hey, who pissed in your porridge?
Mr. Webb, can I conclude that what you' re saying is that
these pictures have been digitally enhanced?
Yes, certain minor elements of the picture have been enhanced...
A simple yes or no will suffice.
So according to Mr. Webb here,
we can no longer assume that these pictures...
that the defendants claim were taken on the night in question...
relate in any way to the events they supposedly portray.
Mr. Webb.
Could you outline for us exactly
where you have identified digital enhancement?
Well, a couple of them have been flipped to improve the composition.
The most noticeable change is...
here. Just at the edge.
The bedside lamp has been removed.
The most significant change, you say?
And have you been able to identify
any alterations to the persons in the photographs?
No. Not really.
in fact.
None. Thank you, Mr. Webb.
Great, I'm being hung out to dry here and I'm getting nothing from you.
Sam, don't start on me, okay?
Look, let's face it, we' re stuffed already.
So unless you can come up with something very quickly,
I'm putting Dan on the stand.
And where's that gonna get us?
Sympathy. It's damage limitation time for me.
I've got it!
I'm gonna win him back.
What?
No, don't you see? When Sam finds out I'm Anonymous...
he's gonna have a wife and a mistress in one.
He's never gonna wanna stray again.
Sorry, Dan.
You' re stuffed.
Wait a minute.
Hip, arse, hip, arse...
What do you want?
I have to see you.
I'll text you.
Come on. Come on.
There must be. There must be.
Yes. Yes!
Alice. Hi.
About last night.
I'm sorry.
I was, you know, I should never have...
with you being so upset about...
You don't have to apologize.
I knew you were just trying to make me feel...
Yeah, I know, but I was completely out of order and I'm...
so sorry.
Me, too.
Archie, I couldn't borrow that key again, could I?
For my friend.
Alice, you don't have to lie to me.
Sauce for the goose, right?
I didn't say that.
But you' re still gonna sneak off for some pathetic little fuck...
with some fuck knows who in dear old Archie's fucking apartment!
Look, look...
if Sam really loves you and you really love him...
then stop pissing about and be with him! stay with him!
But, if you don't, then just...
Archie, please.
No.
No...
I've had enough.
For you...
sex bomb.
Love-rat.
How sweet.
Bastard. Fucking bastard!
Low-life fucking bag of shit!
- What have I done? - What have you done?
You saw her. You saw Anonymous.
Katya, darling, I wouldn't even...
You liar. I followed you.
I saw you go in and ten minutes later I saw her come out.
- you saw her? - Yes.
What did she look like?
You nasty little rodent.
Hey, come on. What could I have done in ten minutes?
Fuck her ten times!
Go away.
Fuck off
Go and don't come
- You don't mean that. - I mean it!
Katy. Sweetheart.
I'd be lost without you.
And whose bum am I gonna bite if not yours?
The truth, right?
Yeah, I did see her, but for ten minutes. And you know why?
Why?
Because that's how long...
it took to tell her...
exactly what I thought about being stalked.
Stalked?
Oh, yeah.
She's a friggin' looney.
Are you lying to me?
You know what I wish?
I wish it could be just the two of us.
No Alice, no stalker,
just you and me.
Don't you think I don't want that too, huh?
Listen. This case will be over soon. And when it is...
big surprise coming your way.
Promise.
All rise.
M' Lud, may I approach the bench?
Your Honor, I must deeply apologize,
but it seems neither my client... nor my solicitor have yet arrived.
And with your permission, may I request a brief adjournment...
as I attempt to locate their whereabouts?
Sam. Sam.
I'm putting Dan on the stand.
no, no, you don't understand. Sam, this isn't Dan.
As you can see, Your Honor, they have arrived.
Now may I request your permission to call Daniel Harlow to the stand?
Sorry I'm late.
Well, bugger me backwards!
Don't be stupid, it weren't Danny in he photographs,
it was a bloody look a like, weren't it?
You bastard! Sorry, Dan, sorry.
You bastard! You've cost me money, you have.
Well, you could have come forward sooner.
I know, I know, man, but you know don't want the wife
finding out now, did I? Do you know what I mean?
But as soon as your man came forward and told me about your bi rd...
figured I'd better come clean.
So how did you do it?
The photograph had been flipped, right?
So actually it was his left hip that was showing.
Left hip, but no tattoo.
Archie, you' re good.
Don't give me that. You were gonna put him on the stand,
and we made him a promise.
I didn't.
Bollocks. Listen, Archie, I've got a lunch.
Actually, I need you to go over some of my notes with me, please.
I win the case, you do the paperwork, huh?
Besides, my head's somewhere else right now.
Yeah, up your arse.
Oh, Sam
Who are...?
Remember this.
I never thought letting go completely could be so amazing.
I'll do anything for you.
Anything at all.
Take off your blindfold.
No, wait.
I want this feeling to last.
I want you to see who I am.
No, listen.
I've never set eyes on you but I know...
I'm in love with you.
I mean, God, I've said that a million times before but...
suddenly I realize I've never really meant it.
It's never been like this.
Not with Katya. She's just sex.
And Alice...
Yes?
Alice...
is nothing compared to you.
Hello?
Bollocks!
Couldn't stay away?
Put it on.
Love-rat.
- Fuck! - Come on, love-rat.
Take me.
Yes?
No, it's wrong number.
No, it's not Sam's... Phone.
Sam, what's going on?
I'm gonna kill that slut!
I'm going to nail your scrotum to the ceiling!
Open the door!
Cleaning lady. Come here. Open the door.
What? Stop staring at me. Open the fucking door!
Oh, come on!
Anonymous.
We award the plaintiff the sum of one million pounds.
Yes! Go Lazio!
Order!
- Mr. Sharpe. - Yes.
This case may be over, but there is another matter outstanding.
Arrest this man for perjury.
- Oh, fuck off! - And contempt.
What? Bollocks!
And resisting arrest.
See you in court!
I'll be making a statement in a moment.
I did it, Archie. I did it.
Yeah, that's right, you did it, you won.
Yes. This is the most perfect day of my life.
And that is the perfect woman.
Sam...
you married the perfect woman.
Footballer Dan Harlow has had a great result in court today.
His barrister, Sam Holbrook, looks in the set to become
a major player in the Premier League.
These monstrous lies
could have wrecked a talented young man's marriage.
Lies are the cancer in our society.
And it is our job... no, our duty...
to expose them in every walk of life.
The Holbrook Home for Compulsive Liars.
Thank you.
No, double glazing isn't a big priority for me right now.
Alice?
You okay?
It's me.
Alice?
Katya.
Where...? What are you doing here?
Did you do this?
Where's Alice?
Where... is Alice?
Have you lost your mind?
I'm telling her about us.
And Anonymous.
Darling.
What did you call her?
Katya... my wife, Alice.
Alice, Katya. Junior clerk.
Hello.
I'm not a junior clerk.
And she's not your wife. She is Anonymous.
I want to see Alice.
You've just been introduced.
She's Anonymous, I saw her.
Now you' re just being ridiculous.
Darling?
Remember this?
Darling?
Sorry.
Really I am.
I had no idea.
It was all so...
Exciting.
Dangerous.
Dirty.
Sexy.
Yeah.
It was.
- you were... - I was cheated on.
You couldn't give a shit, could you?
It doesn't matter who you shag.
You even cheated on your mistress.
What kind of bastard does that make you, Sam?
But...
now we've found each other again.
You don't get it at all, do you?
I found you ages ago.
You only found me when you were cheating on me.
What does that make me?
I fought to stay with you, Sam, because I loved you.
You cured me of that.
You don't know where I can find a good lawyer, do you?
I've gone off married men.
Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Archie, you' re such a fool.
Hello.
Hello?
Alice.
Hello, Alice.
Hello.
Right, okay.
I knew that Bella wasn't really...
I mean, I knew that you were having... an affair with your...
Oh, for God's sake, Archie, get a grip.
The newspaper.
Er...
Um?
No, listen.
I never realized what you...
I mean,... I thought you...
- here was me thinking... - Archie...
No, you see, I know Bella wasn't really a person.
And I, I just assumed... it was only natural really, and I was just so...
I thought you had someone else.
I didn't think for a minute that you were... well...
with Sam. I mean, I know you were with Sam, but not...
with Sam.
I couldn't stand the fact that you hadn't chosen me for your affair.
Archie... I don't do affairs.
And even if I did, I wouldn't choose you.
You' re my friend.
Yeah, of course.
And I wouldn't wanna spoil that.
No, me neither.
Are you okay?
Great.
Dear Alice
I would've come round to say goodbye...
but I've been busy getting the boat finished.
And to be absolutely honest, I've been avoiding you.
Because once I knew you'd never feel the same way about me
as I do about you...
the decision was easy.
I don't think I can face the thought of bumping into you any more.
And I think it's time I had a real adventure.
I've tried really hard, Alice, believe me...
but I just can't seem to get you out of my heart.
Love always. Archie.
PS... glad you liked the radishes.
Anything interesting?
And you' re still here because...?
Archie!
You can't run off like this.
You all right there?
Where's the man who owns the boat?
Used to own her. He sold her to me.
Sold it? Why?
Flying's quicker, I guess.
Where's he gone?
Well, Japan. He took a job there.
He helped me cast off. Next time I turned around he was gone.
Afraid of missing his train, I suppose.
The train on platform three is the 19. 24 service to London Paddington.
Shit!
Please, I really have to...
Get a ticket. Over there.
Excuse me?
I'm sorry, love, you'll have to join the queue like everyone else.
Could you just let me in?
We've all been waiting.
- Please, I've really... - Ticket!
You are such a shit! Not you.
Peter, did that last announcement come out?
Yes, sounded fine.
Where's Jill? I'm leaving at half past.
Oh, d' you not hear? She's called in sick.
No! I've been stuck in this booth for bloody hours!
And I'm the replacement.
You can't go in there!
She's locked the bloody door!
Well unlock it! I can't, she's got the key.
Get out in there.
- Archie. No! - Miss, open The door.
No!
Archie. Archie!
Archie Gray. Please don't go.
I grew the radishes!
- Hey, Come out Of there. - Shut up, will you?
Just shut up!
Please don't go.
Thank you. Thank you.
I got your letter,
I'm not letting you go to Tokyo.
Listen to me.
Bollocks!
Archie? Testing!
This is a security announcement.
All unattended items of baggage will be removed and destroyed...
by the security services.
- Do you want a hand with that? - Thank you very much.
Archie, this is Alice.
The leaves on platform are the snowy... snowy conditions
due to an industrial dispute.
Please ensure you keep your personal belongings
Exeter Saint David's and Didcott Parkway.
The train at platform 7, 9 and 10 will be removed and destroyed by...
' Archie, you bloody idiog. '
'Vet off the ducking grain. '
No!
hey. Come back here!
- Archie! - Stop that woman!
Archie? No!
Archie.
Archie. Archie...
- Alice? - I love you.
I love you!
Could everybody listen, please?
Everyone here's been in love at least once, right?
I love you!
Does this mean I'm in with a chance then?
Ooh, take me home and radish me!